


Natasha Romanoff Knows Everyone

by TheoMiller



Series: something bigger [10]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Is a Good Bro, Gen, HYDRA Trash Party, Melinda May & Natasha Romanov Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 05:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2097942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoMiller/pseuds/TheoMiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the official list of those who died fighting Hydra is released, some of the survivors gather to drink a lot of booze in their honor. Or, the one where Natasha knows all the people and even Steve is a little tipsy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natasha Romanoff Knows Everyone

“An’, an’, then,” Clint said, waving his beer bottle around rather enthusiastically, “then he says, he gets out of the truck and says, ‘that goddamn florist was way outta line’.”

“Does SHIELD just take the weird stuff no one else will bother with, is that it?” said Bucky.

“Yes,” said everyone else with varying degrees of certainty, and Skye shook her head emphatically. “ _Weird_ stuff, man, I’m telling you…”

“I still haven’t gotten to use monkeys on a mission,” Fitz said with a distinctly petulant tone to his voice. He had his head in Simmons’s lap, and she carded her fingers through his hair with the hand that wasn’t holding a glass of wine. He’d mentioned this several times, so everyone ignored him.

“Remember that time King tried to bully Stalon into doing him a favor?” Natasha said, and Coulson groaned. “No, no, come on, we gotta talk about the good and the bad,” she said.

“Can’t believe that sonuvabitch wasn’t Hydra,” said Clint.

“He guilted four Hydra agents into putting their guns down before one shot him,” said Trip, “he wasn’t Hydra, but he sure was something else.”

Natasha picked up the list of the dead – the innocent dead, because the names of Hydra agents left an ashen taste in their mouths – and jabbed her finger at a name. “Harlow,” she said. “I met him.”

Clint frowned. “Wait, really? I’ve never even seen Harlow.”

“It was that mission in Brno, and you were in a psych ward,” Nat said.

“D’ya reckon Nadir’s wife’s all right?” said Jemma. “She was nice.”

“I set them up on their first date,” Nat mused.

Steve, who’d been through a case of beer and half a bottle of gin without getting more than mildly tipsy, grinned faintly. “Do you play matchmaker on missions with everyone?” he asked. Then, sobering up, “I should send her something. Did they have kids?”

“No,” Natasha said. “She likes bran muffins. Actually _likes_ bran muffins. I can give you her address.”

“How do you _know_ everyone?” Skye whined.

“I like to have contacts,” Natasha replied serenely.

Coulson cleared his throat. “To our fallen comrades,” he said, holding up his glass of peppermint schnapps. The cheap kind, because Coulson is a man of strange tastes.

“To our fallen comrades!” everyone echoed, and held up their much less abhorrent drinks. Except Tripp, who was drinking Coulson's awful schnapps.

May cleared her throat. “I remember my first day of SHIELD,” she said, “At the Academy with Phil.”

“I’m not dead, you don’t get to tell embarrassing stories about me.”

“You died once,” said May. “It counts.”

“Does not.”

“Guysssss,” Clint said. “ _Does_ it count?” he asked the room at large, and got a loud chorus of affirmatives back.

“So, first day at the Academy, and Phil’s this experienced agent with a baby face,” May began.

“Slowed aging process,” Coulson mumbled.

“And he bursts into the classroom…”

The story that followed was one that had Skye grinning like Christmas had come early, May smirking as she spoke, and everyone else generally clutching their sides and laughing by the end. At one of the more suspenseful moments involving a small army of mercenaries and a particularly stubborn cat, Simmons actually gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth.

“I’ve got a better one,” Bucky piped up immediately after May finished, and this one was about Peggy Carter and a bar fight, which May loudly protested wasn’t a mission story, but Hill shushed her and he continued.

“I met her once,” Nat said. “When we had to make sure her room in the retirement home wasn’t compromised.”

Skye shoved the list into Nat’s hands. “Is there anyone on that list you _haven’t_ met?”

Natasha glanced it over, then, “Nope.”

“Christ,” said Bucky, “that many?”

“You’d probably tie with me on the Hydra list,” she shrugged.

“Did you know Grant Ward?” slurred Fitz, and Simmons curled protectively around him.

“Yes,” said Natasha. “I met him the same day Phil did.”

“Wait, where was I tha’ day?” Clint asked.

“You were there,” Coulson told him. “Damn near pissed yourself laughing once we were out of earshot. Apparently you found my “welcome to SHIELD” comment funny.”

Simmons perked up at that. “You’re referring to the unofficial rule one of SHIELD, right?”

As Skye and Bucky both asked what that was, Natasha climbed to her feet in one smooth motion and slipped out of the room.

May spotted her and followed at a distance. The Bus had a nice kitchen, but it was hardly something to go sightseeing for. “They still call me the Cavalry at the Academy, you know,” she said. “What’s left of it, anyway.”

“You’re practically innocuous compared to me,” Natasha said. “Barton thinks I don’t know half the recruits replaced my name with ‘mewling quim’ for months after Loki. But I knew before he ever broke out of the hospital to go threaten them.”

“Did Maria tell you what Ward said?”

Natasha turned around with a vicious smirk plastered on her face. “Thanks for breaking his voice-box, by the way, Melinda.”

“It was my pleasure,” May replied, inclining her head.

Nat’s face softened. “I would’ve broken his dick, had he slept with me under false pretenses,” she said.

May just arched an eyebrow.

“ _Was_ he any good in the sack? I remember his shooting. He was above average, though Barnes would beat him one-armed.”

“In the sack, or with a rifle?” May asked drily.

Natasha snorted a laugh. “Both.”

“I’ve had better.”

“Like Phil?” Nat said.

May met her gaze with a perfectly schooled expression and didn’t reply.

“Just making conversation,” Natasha said innocently.

“Maria was better,” May answered, and strode back towards the common area, where someone had started a rousing chorus of “Star Spangled Man With A Plan”.

Natasha stood there for a moment, then tipped her head to the side. “Fair enough,” she said.


End file.
